Chief
01-21-2004, 05:15 AM
Top 8 Morons of 2003
> 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
> AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
> saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
> severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
> gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear
> gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside
them
> in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
> An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
> forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein,
> the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
> 4. THE GETAWAY!
> A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
> money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied
> up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until
> police showed up and grabbed him.
> 5. DID I SAY THAT???
> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
> couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man
> in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll
> shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
> A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
> contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the
> doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
> In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to
> hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb
>and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep
his
> hand in his pocket (hellllllooooooo!)
> 8. THE GRAND FINALE
> Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour
> east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were
having
> a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand
> new 22 ft. boat going very well. It was very sluggish in almost every
> maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour
of
> trying to make it go, they pulled into a nearby marina, thinking
someone
> there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed
> everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out
> drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So,
> one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He
came
> up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS >IS
TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer.
> 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
> AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
> saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million
> severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
> gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear
> gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside
them
> in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
> An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
> forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein,
> the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
> 4. THE GETAWAY!
> A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas, Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
> money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied
> up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until
> police showed up and grabbed him.
> 5. DID I SAY THAT???
> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
> couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each
man
> in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll
> shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
> A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
> contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the
> doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
> In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to
> hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb
>and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep
his
> hand in his pocket (hellllllooooooo!)
> 8. THE GRAND FINALE
> Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an
hour
> east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were
having
> a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
brand
> new 22 ft. boat going very well. It was very sluggish in almost every
> maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour
of
> trying to make it go, they pulled into a nearby marina, thinking
someone
> there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed
> everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out
> drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So,
> one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He
came
> up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS >IS
TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the
trailer.