Oldie, revisited 1/3

[squegee]

Stole this off SPH's site about 2 years ago. Too bad, if they'd have kept this attitude, maybe they would still be winning friends and influencing people. And why did everyone stop contributing to this thread?........................

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Dictionary, revised...

-->6.9<-- 69 ruined by a period.

-->BDS<-- Ball-Drop Syndrome. This occurs after smoking too much weed. During sex, the balls hit the clit.

-->burrito hick-ups<-- Pinching out fractionized portions of farts while walking someplace with your date.

-->california raisins<-- If you're uncircumsised and pump someone up the ass, these are what you'll find under your foreskin afterwards.

-->cellphone<-- Busting your load in a girls ear while she sucks on your balls.

-->chipping for par<-- When a girls pussy is so hairy you know you wont find the hole on the first try.

-->crisco<-- A term for a girl who's fat in the can.

-->fartin whisky<-- When you fart so hard, a hemorrhoid starts bleeding.

-->freudian slip<-- Shitting in your pants while farting. Farting is what you are doing, but shitting is your subconscious wants.

-->g factor<-- When you convince your wife/girlfriend/hump buddy to do the most outrageous/kinky/nasty stuff and she is a pro and really enjoys it (like taking on your two buddies and their girlfriends while wearing nipple clamps and a dog collar and leaving no hole unmolested and capturing it all on video). Makes you sit up straight and say "Geee, I had no fucking idea."

-->lay away plan<-- When a person professes to be bi, only to reveal that he's/she's actually just gay. So called because the individual is bi now, gay later.

-->meating<-- A synonyn for gay butt sex. So you could ask someone if you were still on for you meating later. It can also be used as a verb. You could say "Lance gave me a severe meating."

-->motion sickness<-- Slamming your balls so hard on a chick while screwing her, it causes a feeling of nausia.

-->potato chips<-- Peeling the dried up jizz off of your partners stomach, or wherever you shot it, and eating it.

-->rat tail<-- When you wake up in the morning and a used condom is hanging out of your ass, thus creating a tail.

-->saluting the colonel<-- After ramming your partners ass, you notice a kernel of corn on the head of your cock.

-->santa fe<-- Going on a trip and nailing some skank at every stop.

-->testifying before the committee<-- Where you frantically, repeatedly and consistently deny day-humping your work-wife to the old lady or principal squeeze.

-->the 1-800<-- When a girl gets so jizzed up she has to call a psychic hotline to figure out if the relationship is gonna be worth it.

-->turkish prison<-- Where you are so desperately horny you will nail anything without the need for alcohol, dates or nerves. "He's so bad off, he's in a Turkish prison."

-->turkish shampoo<-- After you've blown the load from a good blow job, while the woman is licking your sack, you dribble a nice smooth stream of piss into her hair. If done right, her head will be totally soaked before she realizes it.

-->abc's<-- A fairly standard rating system by which all women can be categorized: A - I'd bang her silly. B - I'd let her swallow my hot load. C - I wouldn't fuck her with someone else's dick.

-->abortion pussy<-- Fucking a girl who's had an abortion within the last week.

-->access denied error<-- When you and yor pal are double-teaming a chick, he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later (a.k.a. Blocking the Box, Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions).

-->the ambassador<-- While screwin some foreign bag with no useful English knowledge (works well with most East Europeans), lean over and whisper in her ear in the most seductive and romantic way possible: "You've got the stinkiest cunt ever!" and see if she notices.

-->the andretti<-- When receiving road head, swerve the car left and right. Her weight shifting will enhance the sensation. Risky maneuver, so it's best if done with a toothless cocksucker and a open road.

-->angry dragon<-- Immediately after you blow your load in a girls mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.

-->arabian goggles<-- A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.

-->aussie kiss<-- Similar to a french kiss, but given down under.

-->australian death grip<-- The act of grabbing a woman by the crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed passionately. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.

-->the bait n' tackle<-- This one was used by the sailors from the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely nourished. Gone fishin'!

-->balloon knot<-- Another name for a real tight asshole, which kinda resembles a balloon knot.

-->ballsacking<-- Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.

-->bate-rape<-- Go home and furiously masturbate while thinking about a girl who does not like you, a girl who may feel violated by your lusty thoughts and desires. It becomes Bate-Rape when you inform her about your previous night's masturbatory session.

-->bear claw<-- A synonym for extremely large pussy lips. Also known as Camel Toe.

-->beef curtain<-- The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.

-->beer dick<-- This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick.

-->big rack attack<-- Compulsion that occurs with men in monagamous relationships with chicks with munchkin tits, thus neglecting man's need to fuck/suck massive mammaries. The hunger for huge jugs distorts men's judgement, resulting in cheating with ANYTHING with big cans, i.e. fat chicks, ugly bitches, pre-op transexuals with implants, etc.

-->blumpy<-- You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.

-->bobfoc<-- Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. Pretty much self explainatory here.

-->the boomerang<-- After spewing your mighty load into a bitch's mouth, she pretends to eat your asshole, but instead spits the jizz up your ass.

-->bone-melter<-- Any word, deed, object, or person that will deflate a hard cock in 1 second flat. For example, the sight of your grandma naked is a the original bone-melter.

-->bottle rocket<-- Jizz in a girls beer then let her drink it without knowing about the special treat.

-->the bronco<-- You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.

-->brown baggin it<-- Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.

-->brown necktie<-- You're about half-way through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.

-->brunski<-- When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)

-->the bullwinkle<-- The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie stylin' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)

-->butter bullet<-- Accomplished by hollowing out a cube of butter, filling it with cocaine, and inserting cube into anus. This combination provides a potent lubricant/anesthetic for some smooth ass mastering. Finally both partners can enjoy all the the happiness of butt sex with none of the drawbacks.

-->butter face<-- When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.

-->caged monkey<-- Keeping yourself, for whatever reason, from getiing any action for a long period of time.

-->the canine special<-- Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!

-->the carpet cleaner<-- While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.

-->cheese grater<-- When some bitch with braces gives you a blowjob.

-->charity fuck<-- Banging some loser who you have absolutely no interest in whatsoever, purely out of pity for their pathetic existence.

-->the chili dog<-- When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.

-->chocolate pizza<-- Happily discovering hemroids while eating a shitty brown eye.

-->choda<-- \chòdah\: n, The sweet spot between a man's asshole and his ballsack.

-->choda fucking<-- Gay pastime in which a man fucks his partner between his legs and against the choda.

-->cider visor<-- Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

-->cleveland steamer<-- The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.

-->cliterature<-- 1-handed reading material.

-->club sped<-- Gang banging a retard. For those idiots out there, sped come from special ed, you do the math.

-->cocaine<-- Filling your girl's nose with the creamy white drug.

-->cock-stuffing<-- Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually reem out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your uretha. Wow!

-->cold lunch<-- The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio.

-->the concoction<-- First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarden again.

-->the compton gangbang<-- You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)

-->cop's delight<-- The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spooing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.

-->the corkscrew<-- Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood.

-->corn<-- Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University, comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happliy eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!"

-->couch bombing<-- When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy it dinner first.

-->coyote<-- This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

-->creme graffiti<-- Yet another gay fad that occurs when both partners fuck each other up the wazoo, and then squeal out a massive fart thereby spraying their boys' creme all over themselves.

-->crisco ass 6,1 The greasy feeling that your ass gets after farting all day long and almost shitting in your pants. Also known as Baboon Ass. Not particularly a sexual act, but funny enough to recieve mention.

-->cum dumpster<-- A quadriplegic whore.

-->cum guzzling sperm burping bitch<-- The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.

-->daisy chain 6,1 Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.

-->davey crockett 6,1 A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.

-->dirty sanchez 6,1 A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.

-->dirty swirly 6,1 While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it.

-->dog in a bathtub 6,1 This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

-->donkey punch 6,1 Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.

-->the double take 6,1 When you bang a chick in her asshole with such ease and room you have to keep looking down because you can't believe its not her pussy. Usually means death onto you if you're unprotected. Also known as the "Kidding Me" because it makes you want to shout "You've got to be kidding me that this is your asshole!"

-->draw mud 6,1 While trying to fart, you shit in your pants. An unfortunate, common, and highly secretive occurance.

-->dropping the chalupa 6,1 Fill a sock with as many bodily excrements as you have available, and whack some slut over the head with it. Best accomplished if it's a surprise during some hot back-door action.

-->duct tape trick 6,1 Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.

-->dussy 6,1 The act of tucking your limp penis behind and in between your legs, thus imitating a woman's genetalia.

-->dutch oven 6,1 Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).

-->dutch treat 6,1 The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.

-->DVDA 6,1 The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.

-->the electric chair<-- Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile disfunction after performed.

-->etch-a-sketch<-- Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

-->felching<-- A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail.

-->the fish eye<-- From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion signaling that she has been there and done that.

-->fish-hook<-- When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.

-->the fire island<-- This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented.

-->flakes<-- Going down on a girl who is in the brown stage of her rag and coming up with flaky, stale leftovers stuck in your teeth.

-->flaming amazon<-- This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!

-->flooding the cave<-- Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.

-->florida's best 6,1 The fluid that is produced in a girls mouth after sucking a cock that has just been pulled out of an asshole.

-->the flying camel<-- A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a classy move.

[squegee]

-->the flying dutchman<-- This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side-effects.

-->foggy windshield 6,1 Spilling the man milkshake on the glasses of some four-eyed filthy.

-->the fortune cookie<-- This maneuver is intended to teach fledgling hookers to swallow what we give them. If after a sensational round of knob-slobbing the slut deposits your wealth elsewhere than her stomach, quickly take your knee to her jaw. Your new lucky number is equal to the amount of teeth you knock out. Confucius would be proud.

-->the fountain of you<-- While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed.)

-->four wheel drive<-- Fucking, or getting fucked during the peak of your genital herpes flare up, cause while you fuck, it's a bumpy ride.

-->f.u.p.a.<-- Pronounced foo-pa and is abbreviated for "fat-upper-pussy-area". It's that nasty gut or pot-belly in the lower abdominal area of a woman. This term has a more derogatory affect when applied to younger women, since a f.u.p.a. is far less appealing when seen on them.

-->furr ball<-- You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat.

-->game of smiles 6,1 This game involves a bunch of men sitting around a table at their favorite bar and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who smiles has to buy a round of beer for the rest.

-->gay poupon 6,1 The slimy see-thru brown coating a gay guy gets on his dick during some hot hairy butt sex. I overheard people joking about this at a time when I would not have preferred to lose my appetite. Can apply to heterosexual butt action as well I suppose, but the term generally loses its humor.

-->german tourist<-- A chick so nasty and vile just for fun you and your buddies wind up fucking, pissing and shitting on.

-->gloryhole 6,1 The well known term for a hole in a wall, or bathroom stall that a guy puts his dick through so some stanger can suck or fuck it.

-->gobstopper<-- With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the arsehole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.

-->going for a mcshit 6,1 Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the shitter. If challenged by a pimply staff member, just tell them that you'll buy a McShit With Lies afterwards.

-->golden shower<-- Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports.

-->good waste of 300 dollars<-- If you're with some prissy bitch who only wants to fuck once during the night, demand to give it to her from behind. While ramming her ass hardcore, drop a Sony Playstation 2 on the back of her head. When she turns around and looks at you, say "Sweet! I've always wanted one of those!", and continue pumping away. She'll be so bewildered, you'll be able to get away with 5-10 more fucks that night. Expect a few weird looks, though.

-->gooey patterson 6,1 Hollow out a round hole in a cantaloupe or other large melon, microwave it for about a minute, and fuck it like the prom queen you never got a piece of. When you are done blowing your baby batter and pull out, you get back a gooey shaft, hence the name, Gooey Patterson.

-->grankefication 6,1 The act of relieving a pussy-drought by fucking inanimate objects such as microwaves, televisions, coffeetables, etc. "He's in his room Granking one off."

-->greek 6,1 The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. e.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the greek salad".

-->half past the monkey's ass<-- Wearing your wristwatch on your cock. After a person asks you the time, you whip it out and say "Quarter to my balls." The fucking look on their face is just priceless.

-->ham and cheese sandwich<-- Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite.

-->hanging brain 6,1 Generic term used to describe the act of exposing one's scrotum in public in a variety of creative and imaginative manners (i.e. dangling on handrails, in background of tourist's photos, pressed up against window of moving car, etc.).

-->hat trick 6,1 Shooting your jizzum in a woman's vagina, anus, and mouth all in one ejaculation. Best to unload in the chocolate starfish first, and work your way up from there.

-->head of the class<-- When you and your friends compete in school to see who can get aroused the most times fantasizing about the cute young teacher.

-->hershey highway<-- When pluggin your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube.

-->the hindenburg<-- When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your mantool.

-->high dive<-- The skill of pulling your johnson all the way out of your partner's hole, and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.

-->hogging<-- While intoxicated, high, or just plain deperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.

-->hole in one<-- The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo.

-->hotdog in a hallway<-- When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kinda like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick.

-->hot karl<-- The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.

-->hot karl candy cane<-- A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.

-->hot lunch<-- The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth.

-->the houdini<-- While getting a girl from behind, you pull out and spit on her back, creating the illusion that you've completed the transaction. When she turns around, blow your load in her face. She'll want to know how you made another shot magically appear.

-->hummer<-- The well known added variation to a blow job in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.

-->the hunter gatherer 6,1 You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.

-->hunting for the HIV 6,1 The act of banging at least 10 random whores in a single week without wearing a rubber. Also gets compounded if you end up shooting up smack with one of the skanks.

-->the indian cock burn 6,1 While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was tring to give you an indian burn.

-->inhibation 6,1 The state of being too inhibited to masturbate in front of your lover.

-->the jedi mind trick<-- When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".

-->the jelly donut<-- Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut.

-->j.o.d. 6,1 ("Joad") - Jerking Off while Driving. Try it while going through the Drive-Thru of your choice...

-->the juanita special bean dip<-- While your tramp rides you like a mechincal bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tounge so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.

-->kennebunkport surprise<-- The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.

-->kick-fucking<-- The act of recieving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.

-->kiss of death<-- Get a girl whose been cheating on you (but thinks she is getting away with it) to go down on you after having secretly coated your dick with cyanide.

-->the landshark 6,1 The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to JAWS. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.

-->lay-away 6,1 Instead of giving up on that young little hottie that you know you're too old for, but just can't resist, you begin to "work her over (ya know, play the nice guy, father figure type...)" in hopes that you can scoop her up when she's legal. This approach is much like the lay-away system, you get the merchandise when the time is right.

-->leave in conditioner<-- In a public place, you strategically leave drops of semen in a woman's hairdo following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence.

-->the lorena bobbit<-- Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core boodie sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)

-->the lost soldier<-- After cumming, carefully slide your dick out off the condom, while still leaving it inside her pussy.

-->louisiana licker 6,1 Originally a flavor of chicken wing at a famous chain of western Pennsylvania restaurants - also the name of a position when you find yourself lying on your back nostril deep in the cooch of a nasty beeitch with swamp ass (a.k.a. baboon ass, crisco ass, etc.).

-->the menthol<-- The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasureable, tingly feeling on your cock.

-->the mellon dive<-- Headbutting a woman's big fat tities. Always lots of fun.

-->membrane game<-- Jamming your thumb up a girl's pussy and your index finger up her asshole, and then rubbing the membrane between the two.

-->middle relief 6,1 Some unknowing fans wonder how a professional pitcher can go through a season with one or two wins, one or two losses, and one or two saves. Those of us who know our pasttime realize that he is most likely in the shittiest part of the rotation known as "middle relief." While the middle reliever comes in to provide sustenance after one pitcher is tired and before another comes in to secure a save, the middle relief maneuver is also used in "down time." If you have been pummel-fucking a girl for a while and begin to go a bit limp, use the nearest cylindrical object (fingers, dildo, bedpost, lead pipe) and ram it home while you take a bit of a breather. This will allow the starting pitcher the necessary time to rest and provide him with sufficient time to warm up to full strength once again. He then can come on as closer to secure the deal. Forget about that curve ball, Ricky...give her the meat!

-->m.i.l.f 6,1 The abbreviation for "Mom I'd Like to Fuck". This old school reference is used when one of your friends/girlfriends has a hottie for a Mom.

-->monet 6,1 A girl is considered a Monet when, just like the great works of the impressionist painter himself, she is good from far but far from good.

-->monkey wrench 6,1 When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.

-->monroe transfer 6,1 When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.

-->the moped 6,1 A chick thats a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.

-->morking 6,1 Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)

-->moses 6,1 A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.

-->the motorcycle 6,1 While receiving a blowjob, you fart as loud as you can, at the same time twisting the cocksuckers ears like the throttle of a motorcycle.

-->the motorboat 6,1 While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.

-->mrs. castro smokes a cuban 6,1 The art of shitting directly onto a womans lips and then having her suck on it like a fat Romeo y Julieta Churchill.

-->muff teaser<-- Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY (do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bint again.

-->the mung<-- Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.

-->mushy biscuit 6,1 This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.

-->neopolitan<-- The first shit, after a good ass-ramming. Brown, white and red.

-->new jersey meat-hook<-- The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.

-->new york style taco<-- Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.

-->the nixon<-- A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.

-->nut butter<-- The sweat and stink of the juices between your nuts and legs after a physical work out/sex.

-->obtaining the brown license<-- When the guy gives the out-hole a shagging for the first time in his life, he's acquired his brown license.

-->on the rocks<-- A great party favorite accomplished by dunking your nutsack in someone's drink after they left the room. When the person returns, enjoy the sight of them drinking your scrotal rinsate. Enjoy extra laughs if you leave a nice pube in there sticking up like a tacky drink umbrella.

-->oyster<-- A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.

-->pasadena mudslide<-- This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blow job. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.)

-->pattycake<-- While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.

-->paying off the umpire<-- When you go to a hooker because you cant get to 3rd base on your own.

-->paying the rent<-- A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the balk of her calves and bangs ferociously.

-->peanut butter and jelly sandwich<-- Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)

-->pearl necklace<-- Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.

-->pencil sharpener 6,1 When a girl uses her teeth during felatio.

-->penguin blow 6,1 This happens when a hooker offers to blow you for five dollars. Of course you accept the offer and remove your pants. She gets on her knees, gives you two licks and then runs off. You are left chasing after her with your pants around your ankles, thus imitating a waddling penguin.

-->penis watch<-- When you wrap your limp mantool all the way around your wrist. Great party trick.

-->the pig roast<-- While you're pluggin some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.

-->pillow fluff<-- First, you press your butt tightly on a pillow and fart. After holding the fart in the pillow with your ass cheeks for two seconds, quickly turn around and stuff your nose directly into the fart epicenter. Inhale deeply, and reap the rewards of euphoria and disorientation.

-->pink glove<-- Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.

-->the pirate's treasure 6,1 While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.

-->plating<-- Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.

-->p.o.d. 6,1 "Post Orgasmic Depression". The overwhelming regret felt immediately after you blow your load with a chick you really didn't want to fuck in the first place.

[squegee]

-->polish abortion<-- After cumming, take off the condom, tie it in a knot, and throw it against the wall. Then shout, "that little bastard won't get out now."

-->the popcorn trick<-- First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn?

-->porcelain kiss<-- When you are taking a shit in a public washroom and your unit accidentally touches the rim of the bowl. Hmmm, STD, bacteria, both? Who knows?

-->porky pine<-- Screwing a girl that has not shaved her legs in about three weeks.

-->puerto rican fog bank 6,1 While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphinctor fog directly into her nostrils.

-->the pull start<-- Put as many anal beads as possible into your partners tail end. Then when they least suspect it, pull them out like your starting a lawnmower.

-->pumpkin<-- The art of eating a girl out while she's on the shitter.

-->purple mushroom 6,1 This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.

-->queef<-- A well known, but sometimes embarassing occurance. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.

-->the ram<-- When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.

-->rear admiral<-- An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.

-->red wings<-- Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!

-->relative humidity<-- That first drop of sweat that rolls off your balls and down the crack of your sister's ass while you fuck her.

-->reltny 6,1 In a man's restroom, the urinals often contain salt or deoderant tablets. A reltny is someone who sucks on them.

-->resusitation6,1 When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.

-->reverse snowball<-- Eating a girls pussy after some other stiff just got done cuming inside her. Of course your dumb ass didn't know about it in the first place, but you kind of deserve it for eating that stinky jizzy pussy anyway.

-->the roddy piper<-- When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out a'la Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.

-->the rodeo<-- Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!

-->the romanian<-- Everyone knows that Romanians love to give head. But to do this right, you have to get head in a public place with a Romanian, then when someone spots you, spooge in her face and yell out "I'm a communist!"

-->the rose creeper<-- Seductively brush a beautiful longstem red rose against your sweethearts neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obsenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.

-->rot bush<-- The nasty patch of overgrown hair on a whore who has never trimmed or shaved it. Because of that it stinks and it's all wirey since its been unkept and endured over 100 periods and 1,000 fuck sessions.

-->russian blow job<-- Occurs in threesomes involving one guy and two girls. The girls take turns giving blowjobs to the man for a decided intervals until he cums, and we have a loser (or winner...however you see it).

-->the rusty trombone 6,1 This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (aka be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.

-->sacking the cook<-- A code phrase between guys to let your friends know you've just received a blow job. For example, "You know Vanessa? She just sacked my cook."

-->sandbag<-- Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.

-->the santa cruz<-- A timeless classic. Take a surfer girl, cover her in Mr. Zoggs sex wax, then proceed to beat her senseless with a surfboard. Once she's passed out, you jerk off on her face, stand with one foot on her, hold your hands in the air in the "hang ten" sign, and shout, "Yar, Dude!"

-->the sardine<-- When you're eating out a 84 year old woman's pussy that hasn't been fucked in fifty years and her crusty old clit just breaks off and falls in your mouth. It will taste and look like a sardine.

-->the screwnicorn<-- When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.

-->search party<-- When you and a partner are searching for a lost load that could be lost in her hair.

-->the seatbelt<-- While one fag stradles his partners cock, he recieves a blow job from the fruitcake on the bottom.

-->the self shotty 6,1 The sexual derivation is when for several days after getting play, you jerk off to the memory of of when you got some action. Derived from the weed smoking term of taking a blunt hit and then exhaling into a tube and then inhaling good ole THC again.

-->72<-- A 69 with 3 fingers up her brown eye.

-->sharpshooter<-- Anyone that can shoot his magic cream with extreme accuracy. You gotta take his word for it, since you don't want him to demonstrate on your chin, unless of course you're into that sort of thing.

-->shirley temple<-- Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.

-->shitty breakup<-- When you wanna dump your girlfriend in a mean way you fuck her in her ass and then make her give you a blowjob. Then after you cross the finish line you simply say, "Look, we gotta talk...".

-->the shocker<-- When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)

-->shop vac<-- When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.

-->shrimping<-- The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes.

-->silent alarm<-- You are banging a girl and you hear her husband pull up in the driveway.

-->skiing<-- While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.

-->sleeping with the fishes<-- A female version of the wet nap that is accomplished by rubing her wet twat all over a guys pillow.

-->slumpbuster<-- When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.

-->smuggling a yo-yo 6,1 Another term for camel toe/bear claw with the exception that you can actually see the outline of her lips through her pants.

-->snerd nurgling<-- The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...

-->snoodling 6,1 When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!".

-->snowball 6,1 Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.

-->the snuff 6,1 Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or raggin girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.

-->the spoiler 6,1 The historic conquest of de-flowering some guys fiancee no more than one week before the wedding day.

-->the spoiler with extra cheese 6,1 Brutally sodomizing the shit hole of some guys fiancee no more than one week before the wedding day.

-->squeege<-- When a girl's pussy gets to wet because you are fucking her good, pull out and wrap fingers around the base of your cock and move up to "squeege" off the extra moisture so you can last longer in the saddle.

-->stoaway 6,1 When you meet a tasty tourist, take her home and fuck her, unwitingly leaving her knocked-up. She soon leaves, unbeknowns to her that she's carrying a small castaway.

-->stranger<-- Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off. Eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

-->stranger on the rocks<-- Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.

-->strangers in the night<-- When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.

-->straighten the arrow<-- When you think one of your buddies is turning a little fruity, or you think he might be bi-curious or worse yet gay, just get all of your straight friends together and kick the living shit out of him. Fancy name for tough love.

-->stuffing the cat 6,1 While fucking one of those loose-as-a-goose cunts, you stick random objects (fingers, dildos, tvs, etc.) to tighten it up so you can achieve orgasm.

-->stingy nut<-- When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.

-->submarine races 6,1 When you and a friend get together with two chicks and see who can get their girl off first.

-->sud n' fud<-- When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.

-->surfing<-- This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.

-->swimmer's ear<-- When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.

-->tabletime 6,1 This is when you are bending someone over a table doggy style, and right as you are about to cum in the heat of the moment you ask them "What time is it?" When they look back at you confused and say, "What?" You then slam their head into the table and say "It's Tabletime Beeeiotch!!!"

-->tailgate party<-- Jack off before you see the bitch you are going to fuck.

-->taint<-- The spot between a womans cunt and her asshole. Called the taint because "taint her twat, taint her asshole". A.k.a the chinrest.

-->target practice<-- When she takes it out of her mouth while 69'ing, shove her nose in your ass hole.

-->tea bag<-- To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kinda fucked up yoga exercise.

-->team player<-- Some skank that has been nice enough to fuck you and all of your friends.

-->three-tard<-- When a group of retards go at it. Usually found in group homes for special people.

-->3-eyed turtle<-- Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.

-->tickle me elmo<-- When the chin hairs of a skanky bitch tickle your nutsack during fellatio. Not about to start a christmas craze any time soon.

-->tilty<-- While hitting it doggy style, the pussy smells so bad that you have to tilt your head back to avoid the stench.

-->titanic<-- A lady who goes down first time out.

-->the tortoise<-- When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.

-->tossing salad<-- A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (i.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.) I'm never going to prison.

-->trifecta<-- Screwing 3 women in the same night without any of them knowing about the others. Showering in between is strictly forbidden.

-->tropical wind<-- When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.

-->trunk butt<-- An asshole that's been fucked so many ways, the insides of the colon begin to protrude out.

-->TSB<-- A code word for a guy who is suffering from desperation. We would say he had a severe case of TSB - Toxic Semen Buildup.

-->tucked in<-- When your father or other male relative stops by your room at night to, "tuck himself in."

-->tuna melt<-- You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.

-->tupperware party 6,1 When thee guys are triple-teaming a chick...one with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her anus. So named because she is sealed 'airtight'.

-->twisted sister<-- Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun.

-->upper deck<-- Next time you're at the house of someone you hate, take a wicked shit in the top part of the toilet. They'll go insane trying to figure out where that stench is coming from.

-->vegetarian hot lunch<-- A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.

-->VOD<-- The medical term used when a patient overdoses on viagra and can't get wood anymore.

-->wake up call<-- Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. e.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"

-->the walk of shame<-- When all of your buds see you walking home in the morning from the house of the nasty bitch they begged you not to fuck the night before.

-->the walrus<-- After spunking in a girls mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.

-->western grip<-- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.

-->westside glaze<-- Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.

-->wet nap<-- When you let your load out on a girls pillow, and then make her sleep on it.

-->winter bush<-- Common to the winter months, bush sometimes grows wild during that time.

-->wizards sleeve<-- Another word for a large cavernous vagina.

-->the woody woodpecker<-- When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.

-->yellow bunny<-- Right before entering a girls punanny, pee all over her, then proced like nothing happend.

-->the zombie mask<-- While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

-->zorch 6,1 One who sucks farts out of an asshole.