Slaveboy
05-24-2004, 09:29 AM
These questions about Canada were posted on an international tourism website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck
1 Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
...A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2 Q: Will I be able to see polar bears on the street? ( USA )
...A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
3 Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweeden )
...A Sure its only four thousand miles, take lots of water.
4 Q: Is it safe to run around the bushes in Canada? ( Sweeden )
...A: So its true about what they say about Swedes.
5 Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. ( Italy )
...A: Lets not touch this one.
6 Q: Are there any ATMs ( cash machines in Canada? can you send me a list of them in Toronto? ( UK )
...A: What did your last slave die of?
7 Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? ( USA )
...A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your north. . . oh forget it. Sure hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary, come naked.
8 Q: Which direction is North in Canada? ( USA )
...A: Face South then turn 90 degrees. contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9 Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? ( UK )
...A: Why? just use your fingers like we do.
10 Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? ( USA )
.... A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every tuesday night in Vancouver and Calgary, straight after the hioop races. Come naked.
11 Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? ( Germany )
.... A: No, WE don't stink
12 Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? ( USA )
.... A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13 Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? ( UK )
.... A: You are an american politician, right?
14 Q: Can you tell me the regions of British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
.... A: Yes, Gay nightclubs.
15 Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? ( USA )
.... A: Only on Thanksgiving.
16 Q: Are there Supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available year round? (Germany)
.... A: No, we are a peaceful civilation of vegan hunters gatherers. Milk is illegal.
17 Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispence rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
.... A: All Canadian rattkesnakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
18 Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forgot its name. It's kind of a big horse with horns. ( USA )
.... A: Its called a MOOSE. they are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out.
19 Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R & R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey BC, Can you help? ( USA )
.... A: Yes and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
20 Q: Will I be able to talk English moist places I go? ( USA )
.... A: Yes but you will have to learn it first.
1 Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
...A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2 Q: Will I be able to see polar bears on the street? ( USA )
...A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
3 Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweeden )
...A Sure its only four thousand miles, take lots of water.
4 Q: Is it safe to run around the bushes in Canada? ( Sweeden )
...A: So its true about what they say about Swedes.
5 Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. ( Italy )
...A: Lets not touch this one.
6 Q: Are there any ATMs ( cash machines in Canada? can you send me a list of them in Toronto? ( UK )
...A: What did your last slave die of?
7 Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? ( USA )
...A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your north. . . oh forget it. Sure hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary, come naked.
8 Q: Which direction is North in Canada? ( USA )
...A: Face South then turn 90 degrees. contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
9 Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? ( UK )
...A: Why? just use your fingers like we do.
10 Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? ( USA )
.... A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every tuesday night in Vancouver and Calgary, straight after the hioop races. Come naked.
11 Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? ( Germany )
.... A: No, WE don't stink
12 Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? ( USA )
.... A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
13 Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? ( UK )
.... A: You are an american politician, right?
14 Q: Can you tell me the regions of British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
.... A: Yes, Gay nightclubs.
15 Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? ( USA )
.... A: Only on Thanksgiving.
16 Q: Are there Supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available year round? (Germany)
.... A: No, we are a peaceful civilation of vegan hunters gatherers. Milk is illegal.
17 Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispence rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
.... A: All Canadian rattkesnakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.
18 Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forgot its name. It's kind of a big horse with horns. ( USA )
.... A: Its called a MOOSE. they are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out.
19 Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R & R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey BC, Can you help? ( USA )
.... A: Yes and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
20 Q: Will I be able to talk English moist places I go? ( USA )
.... A: Yes but you will have to learn it first.