Bad First Date

[jodhpurman]

Signs You Had A Bad First Date"

Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that
you used to date her mother.

You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little
league
with her.

She has a thicker moustache than you.

When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at
the door with a contract describing your duties and
restrictions. You jokingly ask her if she wants to go
down to Atlantic City and get married. She then
informs you that leaving the state is a violation of
her parole.

Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.

You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved up
your ass.

You are the first guy that she's gone out with that
isn't her cousin.

At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free
shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.

She beats the shit out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut.

You wake up the next morning with a wicked hangover. In the bed next
to
you is Janet Reno.

At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house and her pimp is
waiting there with your bill.

You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots,
with
an intense itching in your left thigh.

She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then
finally asks if you want to meet Satan.

She is better hung than you.

She informs you that she can't go out again because her boyfriend
doesn't like you.
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