jodhpurman
03-26-2008, 02:47 PM
Oil Change instructions for Women:>>
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 >miles since the last oil change
2) Drink a cup of coffee>>
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a >properly maintained vehicle.>> Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00>> Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00>>>>>>>>
Oil Change instructions for Men:>>>>
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy >a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a >scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and >buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.>> 3) Open a beer and drink it.>>
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. >
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.>>
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.>>
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look >for 9/16 box end wrench.>>
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.>>
10) Unscrew drain plug.>>
11) Drop drain pl ug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on >you in process. Cuss>>
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face >and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.>>
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.>>
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.>>
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver >through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car >with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide >old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. >Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to >apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first >quart of fresh oil into engine.>>
19) Remember drain plug f rom step 11.>>
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.>>
21) Drink beer.>>
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the >floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill>>
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink >beer.>>
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe >eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent >wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess >skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.>>
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.>>
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit >bowling trophy>>
28) Beer.>>
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood >flow.>>
30) Beer.>>
31) Dump in five fres h quarts of oil.>>
32) Beer.>>
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car >back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed >steps.
35) Beer.>>
36) Test drive car.>>
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.>>
39) Call loving wife, make bail.>>
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.>>>> Money spent:>> Parts: $50.00 DUI: > $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.0 0 >Bail: $1500.00 Beer: >$20.00 Total: $4,145.00>>>> But you know the job was done right!>>>
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 >miles since the last oil change
2) Drink a cup of coffee>>
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a >properly maintained vehicle.>> Money spent: Oil Change: $20.00>> Coffee: $1.00 Total: $21.00>>>>>>>>
Oil Change instructions for Men:>>>>
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy >a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a >scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and >buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.>> 3) Open a beer and drink it.>>
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. >
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.>>
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.>>
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look >for 9/16 box end wrench.>>
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.>>
10) Unscrew drain plug.>>
11) Drop drain pl ug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on >you in process. Cuss>>
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face >and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.>>
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.>>
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.>>
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver >through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car >with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide >old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. >Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to >apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first >quart of fresh oil into engine.>>
19) Remember drain plug f rom step 11.>>
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.>>
21) Drink beer.>>
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the >floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill>>
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink >beer.>>
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe >eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent >wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess >skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.>>
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.>>
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit >bowling trophy>>
28) Beer.>>
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood >flow.>>
30) Beer.>>
31) Dump in five fres h quarts of oil.>>
32) Beer.>>
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car >back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed >steps.
35) Beer.>>
36) Test drive car.>>
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.>>
39) Call loving wife, make bail.>>
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.>>>> Money spent:>> Parts: $50.00 DUI: > $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.0 0 >Bail: $1500.00 Beer: >$20.00 Total: $4,145.00>>>> But you know the job was done right!>>>