In My Next Life...

[jodhpurman]

What a concept!

In my next life, I want to live my life backwards.


I start out dead and get that out of the way.


Then I wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. I get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect my pension and then when I start work, I get a gold watch and a party on my first day.


I work for 40 years until I'm young enough to enjoy my retirement. I party, drink alcohol and 'am generally promiscuous!



I'm then ready for high school. I then go to primary school, become a kid & play. I have no responsibilities & become a baby until I am born.



And then I spend my last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then - Voila! I finish off as an orgasm!



I rest my case!

[AboveUpNorth]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days
you would have produced enough sound energy
to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.) :rolleyes:

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!) :eek:

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.):D
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.):)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the legth of football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) :eek:

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity):cool:
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??) :p

:D I STILL WANNA BE A PIG!!!! A PIG!!!!:D

[jodhpurman]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days
you would have produced enough sound energy
to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.) :rolleyes:

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!) :eek:

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.):D
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.):)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the legth of football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) :eek:

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity):cool:
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??) :p

:D I STILL WANNA BE A PIG!!!! A PIG!!!!:D

Well this is I already posted.... Well I dont wanan be PIG.....