[Rebel]

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan
DeVries by the Michigan Department of
Environmental
Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response
is
hilarious, but read the State's letter before you
get to the response letter.
--------------------------------------------------

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023;
T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of
Environmental Quality that there has been recent
unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as
the
legal landowner and/ or contractor who did the
following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris
dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A
permit must be issued prior to the start of this
type of activity. A review of the Department's
files shows that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the Department has determined that
this
activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland
Lakes
and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public
Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to
324.30113
of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both
of the dams partially failed during a recent rain
event, causing debris and flooding at downstream
locations. We find that dams of this nature are
inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The
Department therefore orders you to cease and
desist
all activities at this location, and to restore
the
stream to a free-flow condition by removing all
wood and brush forming the dams from the stream
channel. All restoration work shall be completed
no
later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration
has
been completed so that a follow-up site
inspection
may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply
with this request or any further unauthorized
activity on the site may result in this case
being
referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full
cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to
contact me at this office if you have any
questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price District Representative
Land and Water Management Division


** This is the actual response sent back: **


Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N;
R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been
handed to me to respond to. I am the legal
landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,
Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the
(State unauthorized) process of constructing and
maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the
outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not
pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam
project, I think they would be highly offended
that
you call their skillful use of natures building
materials "debris." I would like to challenge
your
department to attempt to emulate their dam
project
any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I
can safely state there is no way you could ever
match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness,
their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their
dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers
are
aware that they must first fill out a dam permit
prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you
trying
to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this
State to conform to said dam request? If you are
not discriminating against these particular
beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act,
I
request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been
issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a
dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of
1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is...
aren't the beavers entitled to legal
representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for
said representation, so the State will have to
provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's
dam concern that either one or both of the dams
failed during a recent rain event causing
flooding
is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which
the Department is required to protect. In other
words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers
alone rather than harassing them and calling
their
dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam
free-flow condition please contact the beavers,
but
if you are going to arrest them, they obviously
did
not pay any attention to your dam letter... they
being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers
have
a right to build their unauthorized dams as long
as
the sky is blue, the grass is green and water
flows
downstream. They have more dam rights than I do
to
live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of
Natural Resources and Environmental Protection
lives up to its name, it should protect the
natural
resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers'
Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned,
this
dam case can be referred for more elevated
enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under
the
dam ice then and there will be no way for you or
your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your
attention to a real environmental quality
(health)
problem in the area. It is the bears!

Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I
definitely believe you should be persecuting the
defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If
you are going to investigate the beaver dam,
watch
your step! (The bears are not careful where they
dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and
being unable to contact you on your dam answering
machine, I am sending this response to your dam
office.

Thank You,

Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers

Originally posted by cojones
Well Dam!!!!!!!!!!!

I will 2nd that That was dam hilarious

This is for car guys ,

When I was 16 and just got my drivers licence my dad bought me my first car , a 1961 Volkswagen ...
Ya I know , big spender ... Anyway we had redone the whole car , new motor new paint everything ..
A project for the both of us ..
We just got it on the road an I was prouder than shit ... My dad was just finishing things up when I noticed a few things , he was setting the front wheel bearings and I noticed that he only put them on a little snug and then put the cotter pin in and that was it .. Well when he was gone I popped the bearing caps off and thought to myself
" shouldn't these things be real tight so the wheels won't fall off "
My dad was a fireman also and back then every fireman had an extra job , my dad was also a licensed electrician and a licensed plumber..
So seeing that the wheels weren't on tight I went and got the biggest pipe wrench I could find so I could tighten up those bearings .. The pipe wrench was almost bigger than me but that wasn't good enough so I got a piece of pipe to put over the end of the wrench for more leverage ( smart eh ! )
So I tightened them suckers up real tight ... I was on my way to my girlfriends house ( now wife ) and I got half way down the highway and I felt this jerk in the left front wheel ... I went a little farther and felt a jerk in the right front wheel ... I thought that maybe some stones had got inside the brake drums and that was all ...
When I got to my girlfriends ( wife ) house I made a left turn into the driveway and both front wheels broke off and went rolling down the driveway and smashed the garage door down ( wood ) ..
I also dug myself about two feet into the stone driveway ... I didn't know what or why it happened but I had a feeling I did some thing wrong ... My dad was now at work so I called the fire hall and told him that the front wheels fell off the car .. He prit near shit and felt really guilty .. I never did tell him that story and he will never find out now that he is gone ... Both font spindles were red hot and turned blue from the heat and snapped in two.... My father also paid for my girlfriends ( wife ) fathers garage door because he thought it was his fault ...
Dad never talked about it because he figured that he screwed up and that he had almost killed his son ...
Those were the days !!

My next story will be about me installing a centre console in the 4x4 and drilled right through the transfer case !!

4x

[mili]

It is moments like these that make life bear able (pun intended)
I am rolling all over the fucking floor.

mili