[Skipper]

Some of these are priceless...


"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." ---Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."---- Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" ---Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." ---Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --- Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." --- P.J O'Rourke (1989

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it." ---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" ---Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

"The heaviest cross I had to bear was the Cross of Lorraine" ---Winston Churchill

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France! --Unknown

NEWS ALERT
France announced today that it plans to ban fireworks at Euro Disney, outside Paris, because after last night's fire works display that caused soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender.

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'idaTo prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." --Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" --Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." --Dennis Miller

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --Dennis Miller

"Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French."

Q. Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
A. Germans like to march in the shade.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army a they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000, m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." --Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

[wasteospace]

No more jokes. We surrender!


France

French Special Forces